The Best of Redpill, April 2006

You know, if you don't have Redpill's Poker Journey added to your list of must-read poker blogs, then you're missing out on one of the most inadvertently enjoyable poker blogs on the Internet. Redbill isn't just known for his creative poker insight and his, urmmm, unique outlook on the world; he's been banned from many chatrooms and forums as well. Assuming that this isn't perhaps the best-ever "hoax" poker blog, then we need to celebrate his unique outlook on the world... for however long it lasts --- the "Head>>>>Oven" comments from site visitors are increasingly frequent.

Okay, okay, Iggy had it right --- it's a train wreck of a poker blog. I read it for two reasons: (1) When I've had a tough day, it allows me to feel superior to someone; and (2), I absolutely can not stop laughing once I start wading through the dreck.

So without further ado, here's the top ten "Quotes from Redbill" for the month of April:

10) "I'm starting to think maybe there really isn't much money for me in poker. I've given it 2 years and what have I got. Nothing. I probably have a better shot at day-trading. I don't even really know what day-trading is but I've read some stuff about it. I had that one book. I can't remember what it was but it was the essential book on Stock Market Trading. If someone can remember the name and author of it, I'd appreciate it. I can't remember what I did with it."

9) "I'll play heads up NL with anyone who deposits money into any of my poker accounts. I'd prefer Absolute Poker or Pokerroom since I can chat on those sites whereas FullTiltpoker banned my chat as did Pokerstars."

8) "What if I posted videos regularly on here and posted the usual blog entries like I do now but I made it like a paysite. Would everyone leave? Or would you help redpill? What if I put a video camera or camera in the house and video recorded the fights with my brother."

7) "When I say things, I don't follow through but there was a time when my word did mean something. I think that was when I was about 11 years old."

6) "The decade of the male was the 1980's. You could beat the hell out of your wife and nothing was ever done about it. Those were the good days. Women don't even realize that they were more equal in the 1980's than they ever will be. In the 80's, they could take a punch in the face and not report it but these days, they bitch about everything... You'll never see on Daniel Negreanu's blog that he stopped and got a 6pk of coca-cola. [expletive deleted] you Negreanu. You bullshitter."

5) "I folded a 8-5 in the SB and I would have made the ass-end of a straight and lost all of my chips to T-8 because he had the nuts. So I dodged one bullet there."

4) "I wasn't able to get food stamps today. I misunderstood the receptionist's direction. I showed up 1 1/2 hours late. So I'll have to do it tomorrow. 3 years ago, it wasn't near this hard to get food stamps."

3) "I'm 1000x smarter and more creative than any one of those guys on ITH [Internet Texas Hold'em forums]."

2) "I feel safe when I have my chainsaw with me, though."

1) "Yes, I lied when I said that my dad molested me a few months ago but I'm not lying about losing all my money."

As a followup, Redpill has indicated that this really, really, really --- this time, for sure, and seriously --- might be the end of his poker-superstar dreams (or it might just be the end of that online experiment for his sociology class). Who really knows? And this time, dadgummit, he's going to kill the blog, too. R.I.P., good buddy. Those of us who enjoy the siren song of crap will just have to get our daily dose elsewhere. P.S.: I know the names of a couple of bars in the greater Chicago area where associate producers for the Jerry Springer Show go to hunt up "talent"... and that's not far from Indianapolis, where the basement that RedPill currently occupies happens to be. I, for one, think that a for-real Redpill would be a natural. To heck with the "beads" --- didja know they pay $50 or something for every on-stage punch thrown?